Raise your hand if you have a fair amount of stress and/or anxiety in your life right now.
Our proposal is to skip parallel parking and thereby enjoy a number of benefits: less stress, less risk of collision, more exercise, and the esteem of your passengers.
That might seem like too much, so let’s examine each claim.
Less stress and anxiety
One look at this link, or this one, or this one, or this one, or this one, will show that parallel parking is an origami jujitsu kung fu mind-collapse that you have to perform inside your brain every single time an entire city block of parking spaces can’t be found. Do you know many brain cells that takes? Whoosh on past that parallel nightmare; you don’t need it.
How much would a scrape cost?
While you’re craning, and spinning, and causing so much future chiropractic and lumbar damage that your spine will never feel right no matter how much your mattress costs, try not to think about how dejected you’ll feel if your car even angel-kisses the one you’re trying to squeeze past. You’ll have to call the police, then insurance, and then your former carefree self to say that you won’t be seeing him for several days, if not weeks.
You could use more walking anyway
You know how even Cheerio’s boxes talk about being “heart-healthy” these days? Keeping your ticker in good shape is important and walking is a great way to get your heart rate up without squirming into Under Armor that costs way too much in the first place. Park far away and take a stroll.
Be a hero: drop others off curbside
The cool thing about the red carpet is when the car pulls up and opens the door right in front of the building’s entrance. Placate your passengers’ complaints that you skipped that parallel space by giving them a curbside drop-off, then go find your spot elsewhere. Enjoy your quiet walk and moment of silence.
So what do you think: are we crazy? Let us know in the comments on Facebook. If you really want to learn how to parallel park, use one of the links above. Good luck.